


(it's probably love if) you want to throw him off a cliff, then rush to the bottom to catch him

by Aissu



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, and patsuan desperately tries to bring sanity back, characters updated progressively, in which sougo is a brat, kagura is still a glutton, yorozuya is a daycare
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aissu/pseuds/Aissu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata Toushirou is a busy man. From criminal cases to defusing bombs strewn around by his ward, he hardly has any time to spare. But when a string of gruesome murders comes to light, hinting at the eventual demise of a certain obnoxious natural perm, the policeman grasps at straws to set everything right. </p><p>(or; Hijikata is in denial and Gintoki flirts with death)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue:.

The dreams always began the same way;

_Flames licking up the curtains and raging across the floor, converging in a raging inferno that danced around a man, a ghost of a smile on his lips._

_Suddenly, excruciating pain blossoming in his side._

_Turning to the side to see the silver-haired youth, his pale hands wrapped tightly around the dagger embedded in his side. Blood, trickling down the dagger and dripping onto the floor._

His unseeing eyes snapped open and he bent down to pick up the grainy photo that had slipped out of his hands. He had gazed at the picture countless of times. A group of children standing in front of an orphanage, accompanied by their smiling teacher. He traced the silhouettes of the three closest to their teacher, his hands having carved the same path over and over. The grin on his face widened. The very thought of finally meeting them again after so long…! The euphoria that coursed through him was incredible.

“Wait for me,” he whispered. “I’ll reunite all of you with your beloved Sensei soon.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already shipped my soul to Sorachi so

  **[Friday, 20 th April, 20XX]**

Shinpachi trudged along the street, cursing the dastardly weather and his unscrupulous employer. He was sweating buckets, in every literal sense of the word and the injustice only grew. He trained a glare on the girl skipping alongside him, enjoying the very last Edo Summer Sundae the department store had had to sell. As she licked the ice cream, he resisted the urge to fling one of the bags of groceries at her. 

"Kagura-chan, could you share your parasol with me?" 

The fourteen-year-old eyed him critically before turning back to her ice-cream. 

"No.”

"But why?!" 

"There's no space for you," she began, in between mouthfuls of ice-cream. "And I don't want anyone to think I'm going out with you." 

"No one will think that!" 

"Say that to the sadist behind you," she replied conversationally, alerting him of the presence of the older boy with a nod of her head. 

Shinpachi whipped around with a yelp, startled by the sudden appearance of the brown-haired boy. Okita Sougo sniggered, snapping a few pictures of Shinpachi's dumbstruck expression. He matched their pace and walked next to Kagura who gave him a dirty look and widened the distance between them. 

"Why so cautious, China girl?" 

The vermillion-haired girl casually stuck out her leg and the high school senior gracefully sidestepped, smirking all the while. 

"I would beat you up if I weren't eating this ice-cream right now." 

"My, how scary," Sougo drawled. 

"You'd eventually try to beat him up either way," Shinpachi muttered darkly. 

"Oi, Patsuan, what took you so long?" 

They looked up at the sound to see Gintoki standing at the entrance to the Otose’s Snack Shop, Kanshichirou in his arms. The toddler watched them nonchalantly, mirroring Gintoki as he watched them make their way in. Shinpachi felt a vein pop as the toddler followed their movements, arrogance flowing off him in waves. 

("Shin-chan, that's not arrogance. You're just unsettled by how calm he is," his older sister had tried to convince him.)

"Yo, Boss, I'm dropping by today," Sougo raised an arm in greeting, his easygoing smile on his face. Gintoki snorted.

"Damn freeloader." 

"Damn freeloader," Kagura echoed, jabbing Sougo sharply in the ribs with her ice-cream stick before dashing up the stairs as the boy doubled over, hand on his chest. Shinpachi rolled his eyes and followed suit to get to the home daycare Gintoki ran, located right above the snack shop. He placed the groceries in the kitchen and rolled his sleeves up, looking back to see Sougo at the entrance, sagging over and still clutching his stomach dramatically. 

"Come on, Okita-senpai, make yourself useful. You can help Kagura-chan clean." 

"By that, you mean destroy," came another voice. Shinpachi looked up in delight as a green-haired girl stepped into the kitchen, a broom in her hands. 

"Tama-san! How was your operation?" 

She gestured to her prosthetic leg, a wide smile on her face. "It went great! I'm resuming work starting today. It feels so good to be back." 

Shinpachi placed the bags on the counter and hugged the girl tightly, his shoulders sagging in relief. She ruffled his hair, beaming before he pulled away from her. Sougo straightened up and bowed slightly. She acknowledged him with a nod, her smile softening.  

"How's Yamazaki-san doing?" 

"He's probably fine. Although the last message he sent only had 'anpan' in it." 

Tama burst into laughter and a wry smile found its way to Shinpachi's face. He had met Yamazaki occasionally when the policeman had dropped by to get Sougo. He had been rather obvious about his attraction to Tama and she had taken it all in stride despite his awkward nature. Due to work, he had been unable to stick around for Tama's operation and Shinpachi figured the anpan addict was distressed about that. 

"Are you a bunch of gossipping housewives or something?" Gintoki peered in, a gaggle of toddlers clinging to the hem of his trousers staring in with him. "We're starving here." 

"Hungry please!" shrilled one of the toddlers. "Please!" chorused the rest. 

"What bad grammar are you teaching them, Gin-san?" Shinpachi gasped, scandalised. 

"Hey, it's not me," the man raised his hands defensively. "They're just on their best behaviour, right?" he looked down at them. They nodded enthusiastically, pattering about his feet. 

"Yes!" 

Shinpachi raised an eyebrow before turning back to the groceries. 

"Okay, okay, lunch will be ready soon. Please be a little more patient. And Gin-san, don't you dare take their portion of rice!" 

Gintoki blew a raspberry and walked away with his little squad following him, their excited giggles filling the place. 

Shinpachi turned to Tama, aggressively pointing in Gintoki's direction. 

"Are you sure he's qualified to be in charge of a daycare? Is that really okay?!" 

* * *

Hijikata Toushirou was exhausted.

He had been working overnight three days in a row and the stress was finally taking a toll on him. Kondou, the Director of the Criminal Investigations Division 1 (CID), had pushed for him to take a rest and he had finally acceded to his superior's pleas. 

Hijikata took a long drag of his cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke before disposing of it in the nearest bin. He adjusted his coat and trudged towards the daycare his ward frequented. As the black-haired man neared the building, the sight of a familiar silver perm had his eyebrow twitching and he felt the ire rising from within (yet again). Not to mention, the bright pink apron that the man wore, complete with frills and a small strawberry in the middle, was absolutely repulsive. 

"Keita-kun," the man was saying, his hands on his hips. "It's nappy time so you can't run away." Hijikata could see upon closer inspection that one of the toddlers was backing away from Gintoki, his chubby features contorted in utter displeasure. 

"No!" he shouted. "No!" 

"Now, now, Keita-kun, if you run away from Gin-san, you'll be caught by that bad man," Gintoki looked at Hijikata, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Keita looked up, taking a few steps back as Hijikata approached, resisting the urge to clout Gintoki. 

"Gin-san or the bad man?" Gintoki crooned, holding out his hands. 

Keita made a split-second decision and tumbled over to Gintoki, burying his face in the man's shoulder as he hoisted the toddler up, patting his head. Gintoki grinned, taking obvious glee at the varying expressions on Hijikata's face.

"You're here early," the silver-haired man remarked, finally addressing Hijikata directly, digging his nose before he pinched a the corner of the apron to wipe the snot off. Hijikata shuddered inwardly.

 _Don't react,_  he reminded himself. That would only serve to incite the bastard further. 

"Any problem with that?" he retorted tautly. 

Gintoki tapped the child's back lightly, his maddening grin growing wider.

"Of course not, Oogushi-kun."

Hijikata snapped. "I told you not to call me that!" 

Keita began to wail, his eyes filling with tears. 

"Oh no, did the bad man scare you? Don't cry, Keita-kun, Gin-san will save you!" With that, he cradled the child and practically waltzed up to the daycare, his triumphant aura dripping off him. Hijikata groaned and rubbed his temple. He really needed some rest. 

"Come back here you Super Sadist!" 

Hijikata heard the chaos before he saw it in the form of his ward and his ward's probable crush chasing after him, a murderous expression on her face. Kagura was waving a chair in the air as if it were no heavier than a feather as she leapt after the brown-haired boy. Gintoki flattened himself against the wall as the two sped past him and used his free hand to pull the raging girl back. 

"Sougo..." Hijikata growled, standing at the foot of the stairs, his temper rising by the second. 

"Oh whoops," Sougo came to a stop right before him, absolutely unrepentant. “If it isn’t Hijikata-san!”

“Go to hell you brat!” Kagura shrieked, struggling to escape Gintoki’s grip and waving the chair wildly. 

The policeman groaned internally and pummeled the boy, figuring that he had done something to anger the girl again. Really, he had to wonder, who was the actual 14-year-old?

The entrance to Otose’s Snack Shop opened up and Otose stepped out, annoyance clouding her expression. 

“Keep quiet! You’re bothering everyone. Take it inside or I’m kicking you all out!” 

Gintoki shifted Keita and walked into the daycare, still holding the squirming Kagura in a tight grip. “Come in, or that old hag will have our heads.” 

“I heard that!” Otose waved her cigarette before walking into her snack shop and slamming the door close. 

Hijikata rubbed the back of his head and pulled the boy up with him. He was never going to get that rest. 

* * *

Hijikata pushed Sougo in before closing the door before him, watching how the brown-haired boy instantly gravitated towards Kagura and proceeded to resume his post as the bane of her life. Gintoki instantaneously thumped them on their heads and then carefully slid open the door to the adjacent room. He slipped in with the toddler in his arms and reappeared a few minutes later, dusting his kimono.

“Finally, they’re all asleep.”

Hijikata was about to speak but he emitted a hiss of pain instead. He looked down at the offending object – a toy cart – and resisted the urge to flip something. Sougo was laughing at him soundlessly when he looked up and it was Gintoki’s quick decision to push the boy and Kagura into his bedroom that saved them all.

“Now look here,” Hijikata began in low tones, “I came here to get Sougo so why I do have to deal with all this crap?”

Gintoki sauntered over to him, casually avoiding the toys strewn all over the tatami mats and directed Hijikata to the couch. “Now, now, don’t be so angry, Oogushi-kun. You have to understand the playful ways of children.”

He took a seat next to Hijikata and patted the seething man on the shoulder amicably. “What you need is some parfait and a lot of sleep. Preferably an eternal one.”

Sakata Gintoki most certainly had a death wish.

It was to his favour then that the front door opened and Shinpachi walked in, carrying a covered plate of what looked like dark matter. Hijikata eyed the dish warily, feeling a cold chill crawl up his spine. Gintoki took the chance to jump to his feet and move away.

“Ah, Hijikata-san!” Shinpachi smiled, upon noticing the policeman. “It’s been a long while since we’ve seen you around. Since you’re here already, would you like to stay for dinner with Okita-senpai?”

Hijikata’s eyes flicked to the dish. Shinpachi followed the gaze and laughed nervously. “My sister said she had leftovers… But I’ll prepare something else.”

“It’d be a pleasure,” Gintoki chimed in and Hijikata scowled.

"…I don’t have the energy to cook something up at home anyway,” he conceded, anyway, a deep sigh escaping him.

Shinpachi laughed and nodded before peering into the bedroom Sougo and Kagura were in. “Okita-senpai! Hijikata-san said the two of you are staying for dinner.”

* * *

 Gintoki had offered to wash the dishes in Shinpachi’s place (“Gin-san, are you drunk? Do you have a fever?!”) and sent the kid home early. He figured Otae would feel more relieved if her younger brother was at home where she could keep an eye on him. There had been news of a series of late-night muggings and it wasn’t as if he was worried about the boy or anything, really. He had just felt an urge to do the house chores after sending the toddlers off with their parents.

“Oi, Yorozuya.” A gruff voice.

He turned his head to look at the policeman who was standing at the doorway, adjusting his cravat.

“What is it, Oogushi-kun?”

“Seriously, stop calling me that!” Hijikata snapped, before regaining his composure and awkwardly lifting his striking blue eyes to meet Gintoki’s.

“Thanks for the dinner. I’ll, uh, see you around.” As Hijikata turned to leave, Gintoki shifted to lean back against the counter.

“Where’s my goodbye kiss?” he teased.

The effect was immediate.

Hijikata’s face reddened to the tips of his ears and he grabbed a dishcloth nearby, flinging it at Gintoki who ducked to avoid it. He stormed out and Gintoki laughed, shouting a “Take care, honey!” that seemed to amuse Sougo just as much before he followed the man out.

The 27-year-old snorted and resumed washing the dishes. Kagura walked in a while later, clinging onto her ridiculously huge dog plushie.

“Gin-chan,” she yawned. “There’s a _Hanami_ event and Sensei told us we’ll be celebrating ‘Family Day’ too. ‘Cause Papi’s not gonna be here… Can you come?”

Gintoki ruffled her hair and picked her up effortlessly, dog and all. “What a troublesome princess. When is it?”

“’M not troublesome,” she mumbled. “It’s next Sunday. And Shinpachi told me he’s gonna go with Anego.”

Gintoki chuckled. “So even the high school has such an event?”

“Mhm. Can you make it?”

With the girl looking up at him with those impossibly round, blue eyes (albeit droopy with sleep), it was impossible to say no. He knew how she would lie on her bed and flip through the scarce pictures she had of her father and brother (whom she claimed to hate).

The silver-haired man carried the girl to her room and gently placed her on the bed. He pulled the covers up, ruffling her vermillion hair gently. “I don’t have anything on, so I’m definitely coming.”

She let go of her plushie to engulf the man in a tight hug, uttering a loud “Thanks, Gin-chan! You’re not just a lazy old man after all.”

“Oi,” Gintoki pulled her cheek. “Don’t be a brat. I was so nice to carry you here.”

“’Night, Gin-chan,” she giggled and drifted off, cuddling the plushie she had named ‘Sadaharu’. Gintoki watched her for a while, his chest tightening with affection. With one last glance at her, he shut the door behind him and stepped out, stretching.

“Ahh…” He surveyed the objects scattered all over the floor. “Time to clean up the mess.”

**  
[Sunday, 29 th April, 20XX]**

There was a dull thud when the Director of the CID 1 dropped onto the mat. 

Gintoki watched apathetically as Kondou foamed at the mouth, somehow still managing to look overjoyed. Otae wiped her hands, lips curling in distaste.

“Really, why is this perverted gorilla here?”

Shinpachi chose to look away and resume his conversation with Kagura who hadn’t even batted an eye, all the while holding back Sougo with one arm.

Hijikata huffed and drowned his anpan with a copious amount of mayonnaise. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had simply moved away.”

Gintoki delicately picked up his precious strawberry pudding, nauseated by the policeman’s mayonnaise addiction. “Unfortunately, Oogushi-kun, this spot was ours to begin with. It was you tax thieves who decided to crash our happy outing.”

“What’s your problem?!” Hijikata snapped, turning a glare on Gintoki. “You’re the stubborn idjit who not only forgot to book a spot but stole one after that!”

“Oh is that so?” Gintoki leaned in, balancing the strawberry pudding in one hand. “You wanna pick a fight with an innocent civilian? My, how terrible! We can’t even put our faith in the law these days.”

Hijikata  _really_  wanted to punch the bastard square in the face.

“Now, now,” Otae smiled, deceptively sweet, “Why don’t we all get along?”

In an instant, Kondou had revived and was inching closer to the young woman, having met her at the cabaret club she was working at after dropping out of high school to support Shinpachi and their family doujo. His attraction to her yielded events that were nothing short of hilarious.

As Hijikata and Gintoki engaged in an elbow scuffle, Sougo and Kagura suddenly shot up on their feet. The boy took to his heels, weaving his way through the sakura trees as Kagura chased after him, waving her parasol in the air.

Gintoki paused momentarily to shout “Don’t bother others!” before jabbing Hijikata in the side extra hard. The policeman wheezed and grabbed Gintoki’s elbow, face contorted in a mixture of rage and annoyance.

“Alright you bastard, let’s settle this.” He pointed at the bottles of sake.

“Challenge accepted,” Gintoki sat up, filling Hijikata's cup at the same time the policeman filled his. He raised it up, smirking.

“All the best.”

* * *

Otae rolled her eyes as the policeman and daycare teacher became more sluggish, their speech slurred and their cheeks reddened under the influence of the alcohol. She was pretty sure they would begin a conversation with their feet at this rate. Men were impossible, she decided, edging away from Kondou who was grinning at her as he reached out to eat an egg roll she had prepared. Shinpachi watched on in horror as the scene played out. 

“The hell,” Hijikata hiccuped, tugging at Gintoki’s hair. “Why’s your hair so soft?”

“Jealous, aren’t you? Think your V-shape bangs make you popular or something!” Gintoki laughed drunkenly, leaning into Hijikata’s touch.

The black-haired man almost looked as if he were pouting, running his hand through tangled silver curls. “My hair’s just fine, you dumbass. Ya think your natural perm looks good, do ya?”

Gintoki whacked Hijikata on the shoulder none too gently before falling into some sort of drunken stupor and resting his head on the policeman’s shoulder. “Shut up, ‘m gonna sleep.”

Hijikata’s mouth gaped open as the man in question dozed off, the reddish hue on his face darkening.

Otae snickered and pulled out her phone. As she caught the pair within the frame, she heard a flash. Sougo chuckled, leaning against a tree to catch his breath, his phone still up. 

“Perfect.”

“What?!” Kagura yelled, upon catching up and staring at the pair. “Oii, what’s that?!

 “You’re too young to understand, China girl,” Sougo sneered and then he was off again, Kagura in pursuit. Drops of sweat trickled down Shinpachi's face as he watched his employer and the policeman. 

“It’s good isn’t it, Otae-san?” Kondou asked, gazing at the pair, his demeanour suitable for someone of his position for once. “I thought Toushi would never be able to patch up the hole in his heart after Okita-san passed away. Looks like I don’t have to worry about him too much anymore.”

“Yeah,” Otae smiled as Hijikata stiffly turned to look at anywhere but his shoulder. “Looks like Gin-san forcefully wormed his way into Hijikata-san’s heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops I had to make a switch to update with this, so if you've already read this before the previous one, I'm super sorry about that! ;; 
> 
> Man, it's been about 3 weeks since I started on this and I'm finally done. It's my first time writing for Gintama so I'm sorry if the characters are rather OOC (I don't quite have a tight grasp on them yet) but I hope it has been interesting so far!! I might edit both chapters if necessary. 
> 
> I'll do my best to make this fic even the tiniest bit exciting u v u HijiGin has taken over my heart like how Gintama has taken over my life.
> 
> r.i.p @ the fandom (bcs i only watch the anime and the conclusion of farewell shinsengumi has left me broken, in need of some glue)


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